Let It Be
/In my May blog, “Releasing Resistance”, I wrote about using curiosity along with affirmations to explore what it would feel like to reach a goal that you may have. Goals are not bad in and of themselves, they keep us moving forward. However, goals can be tied to our notion of success and failure which is just our expectations of how something should work out. Today I want to offer the idea that there is a deeper, richer experience of life to be had when we detach from a specific outcome. The gift of detachment is not about not caring what happens in life, it is about the freedom and joy that comes when you allow something to exist or unfold without an expectation of what it should be.
The fastest way to keep yourself stuck (in an emotion, in a circumstance, in a relationship, etc.) is to judge where you are. Many of us have an idea of who or what we “should” be and have not forgiven ourselves for not being that person. “Should” is an expectation that is based in fear. Regardless of the actual circumstances, things feel worse when our expectation of what something should look like doesn’t match up with reality. As my Biofield Tuning instructor says, “Don’t should all over yourself!”.
“I should have achieved ___ by this point in my life.”
“I should not have stayed in that relationship so long.”
“I shouldn’t be feeling depressed while I’m on this great vacation.”
Being attached to specific outcomes does something else, too. It lets us postpone our lives and defer our happiness to some future moment in time when our list of perfect circumstances and achievements will be met. We are waiting for a perfect state or place or time, often in the future, but sometimes in the past as well, where everything will be fine and we will feel happy. But deciding ahead of time what something should look like strips the moment of its actual beauty. Happiness is more likely to be found by not holding expectations of where we should be and what success or failure looks like, but by living life through our senses, letting each moment unfold, constantly feeling into the present to see what is there.
In his book The Gene Keys, Richard Rudd suggests that “if you are truly detached, you will feel more intensely than others because you will not have allowed your expectation, positive or negative, to constrict the event you actually experience…With this detached perspective, you may begin to feel rather like your life is a book, and although you are the hero or heroine writing the story as you go along, you are also the reader, fascinated and absorbed, but never lost in the words or details.”
I love his analogy of being able to switch perspectives and see yourself as not just the writer but the reader of your story. The reader is not invested in a specific outcome, only in the adventure of seeing what’s next. When we detach from the story of our lives, we can stop seeking our purpose in some imagined future success and instead give 100% of ourselves in every moment. To do this, you have to meet yourself where you are each day. Know that the past version of yourself, including the you from 10 years ago and the you from yesterday, did the best she could with what she had to work with. Trust that the future you will be able to handle whatever pops up tomorrow and next month, you don’t need to worry for her.
My challenge for you this month is to allow yourself 5-10 minutes, once a day or once a week, to sit quietly and just let it be. Give yourself permission to be where you are. You have nothing to change, nowhere to get to, nothing to become or do except to fully embrace the perfection of the moment with all its sights and sounds and sensations. The gift, the lesson, the choice, the opportunity of the day will present itself to you as you welcome in the present moment.