The Healing Spiral

The first step on any healing journey is often the appearance of an obstacle, a difficult or painful situation in our lives. This is because pain is a motivator, it forces us to move. When we are comfortable, we stay where we are. If we didn’t get uncomfortable, we would not move or grow. So, it’s important to look at any pain or difficulties in our lives as opportunities and as guideposts, showing us where there is room for expansion and healing.

Trauma or emotional wounding that we experience as children does not stay buried forever. It surfaces at some point for healing. That point is often when a new life circumstance causes us to experience emotions that resonate with the old wound. By vibrating in resonance, the new difficulty in our lives is showing us where old wounds are lingering and is offering us the ability to heal both circumstances together. These opportunities for healing come around again and again as new situations trigger old wounds. The new situation could be something happening for you personally, or it could be something in the collective. The Me Too movement brought to the surface many people’s personal sexual abuse wounds and also the collective wound of sexual abuse. As the world is healing some of these bigger issues, we as individuals have an opportunity to heal our own wounds.

Sometimes it can feel like our issues are part of a vicious cycle, circling back and knocking us down again and again. But instead of a never ending cycle, what we are being offered is the path of a healing spiral. A spiral is a shape that, just as you are about to come full circle, offers another option. Instead of completing the circle and starting again at the beginning, there is an opportunity to move up and expand out to the next level. It is a cycle where each triggering of the same issue is a chance to level-up to a new understanding and healing of the wound.

Let’s say you feel that your boss is dismissive of your ideas and suggestions at work. You begin to feel very angry and resentful about it, but you have not addressed these feelings with your boss. You are wondering why your feelings about this are so intense when your coworkers don’t seem to be as bothered by the behavior. So, you explore the feeling a little bit. That feeling of not being able to speak your truth has a specific sensation and frequency to it. When else in your life have you felt this way? When else in your life were you encouraged not to speak your truth? Perhaps when you were a child or a teenager, you had a parent that silenced you, encouraged you to be seen and not heard, or didn’t value your opinion. That wound and that memory of being silenced when you were young will begin to rise to the surface of your consciousness in resonance with this new situation, adding intensity to both events. And that is a gift!

The triggering of old wounds is an opportunity to heal both situations. You can heal them both by recognizing the wound and finding the courage to speak your truth now. Or perhaps you are not ready yet. In that case, a new opportunity will arise at a later date. Again and again, you will be triggered by a situation with the same frequency and emotion and the same opportunity to overcome it, integrate it, dissolve it. It’s never too late to heal a wound and it’s always okay if you are not ready. That’s why healing is a journey. Each time you pass a landscape that reminds you of a past hurt, it is an invitation to heal it. It is not a requirement, only an invitation. There will always be more. But each time we accept the invitation and work through it, we lighten our load a little and move up the spiral.

As these invitations show up, sometimes there is something we can “do”, like speaking up at work, but other times there is nothing to be done. Sometimes, it is just an opportunity to look at an old wound anew and change the way we see it. Let’s say you had a parent that was not there for you for whatever reason, perhaps they had substance abuse issues or were in a difficult marriage situation. Now, each time someone isn’t there for you, even if it’s just your friend flaking out on dinner plans, you may feel an intense emotional reaction that is out of proportion to the actual situation. These intense feelings are an indication that the current situation is resonating with an experience you have had before and now is a chance to look at it with fresh eyes. Nothing is healed when it is hidden. And now is an opportunity to let yourself feel those buried emotions and release them. Remember from the last blog that feelings, even old ones that we have stuffed down, don’t need much to be healed except to really allow ourselves to acknowledge them, feel them, and experience them in the body.

Healing does not involve a destination. As we resolve the big issues, we become aware of more subtle ones. We become like a professional musician listening to a performance, tiny mistakes that are undetectable to the novice are glaringly obvious to the master. At first we notice only the unavoidable blocks in our path, but as we clear them we notice more nuanced patterns of our behavior that are holding us back. It’s important that we know this because when we have been working on self-growth for several years, it may be discouraging to see that issues continue to pop up for us. We may have the thought, “will I ever be healed?”. Every step of healing should be celebrated. It is a journey that happens in layers and spirals. The focus is on expanding ourselves upwards and outwards, not on avoiding difficult emotions, which are just a part of life.

Sometimes revisiting an old issue again feels like a step backwards. But with each pass we can integrate deeper levels of our traumas and reach more nuanced understanding. Each spiral up we learn to be more gentle with ourselves, use more of our resources and make deeper changes. We never have to reach a specific point. We just keep leveling up, healing our wounds one at a time and little by little. We uncover more and more of our true self, the childlike self that is full of joy. By showing us where we have allowed our light to be dimmed, our wounds eventually become our super powers. As we are able to shine more and more of our light we become a beacon of hope for ourselves and those around us.