Being in the State of Thanksgiving

Have you ever seen that video floating around the internet this time of year where a dad goes around the house putting Christmas bows on commonplace household objects like the stove, shower, and light switches? Attempting to remind his family as they make lists full of iPads and electric scooters that they should be grateful for things they already have but take for granted, like hot water, electricity and food.

We are often told from the time we are children what we SHOULD be grateful for. We should be grateful we have food on the table and a roof over our heads. We should be grateful for what we have that others do not. We should be grateful that we have our health and each other. In truth, feeling gratitude for the people and things in our lives is a wonderful feeling and countless studies have even shown that feeling grateful has measurable positive effects on our mind and body. But these benefits do not come from the emotional state of “should”. Should is a concept that is usually laced with a bit of guilt and a bit of fear. Guilt for having what others do not and fear that we are not promised to have them tomorrow. Those emotions actually have the opposite effect on the body compared to the benefits of gratitude.

So how do we feel grateful in an authentic way? An ideal time to practice gratitude is when we set aside a specific time to pray or meditate. But often in these practices we try to be grateful with our minds. When we make it a mental activity there are a few pitfalls we can fall into. As I say how grateful I am for my children, it may conjure up an image of the daily chaos of tantrums, messes, and spaghetti sauce flung on the wall and in doing so trigger the corresponding stress response. As you focus on being grateful for your house, maybe the pile of bills on the kitchen counter comes to mind, along with the corresponding stress response. Or maybe an image of the house you would rather have comes up along with feelings of bitterness or jealousy.

Rather than a purely mental activity, gratitude is actually a physical state of being with a corresponding heart rate, brainwave activity and a subjective feeling of lightness and connectedness. It acts on the parasympathetic nervous system to offset stress like anxiety and anger that compromise our immune system. When we feel gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin giving our mood an immediate boost. Studies have also shown that gratitude causes synchronized activation in multiple brain regions, including the hypothalamus and the reward pathways.

How do we achieve this state of being? I call this state being heart centered, or placing your awareness in your heart rather than in your mind. It’s also related to being present in the moment, not thinking of the past or future, not judging or regretting. It’s a state closely related to the feeling of wonder or awe, which studies show have similar biological benefits. You can do this practice in just a minute or two, but as many times a day as you remember to bring yourself back to it. Once you get familiar with this state of being, its like building a muscle, it gets easier and easier to find your way to it quickly. Everyone may find their own way of getting there.

For me, one thing that works pretty quickly is walking outside to my backyard and sitting down on the ground under a tree. When I sit there, I see a line of towering pine trees and the sun glimmering on the pond. I put all thoughts out of my mind and focus on my heart and what is in front of me. It immediately gives me this feeling of lightness and connectedness. It brings me to a state of effortlessness and a sensation of being in childlike wonder. Even if you don’t have a place like this as close as your backyard, you can get to this feeling by thinking of your favorite place or anything that makes you smile, an animal or something you love doing. Engaging your senses helps also, imagining the roar of a waterfall or the smell of the forest. When I get to the feeling I’m aiming for, I take a deep breath, smile, and say “thank you”. When you find this magical state of Thanksgiving, being there is its own reward. Come back as often as you can.